I’ve been stalling.
Writing about the love of God and his goodness when life isn’t cooperating feels wrong.
Like I’m a hypocrite – that kind of wrong.
Our family hit another bump in the road. . . seems like we’ve been stuck on a road of potholes for the past 5 years and we really would love to get off it.
There is a monstrous part of me that hates that we have become a family that has been living crisis to crisis.
There’s something wrong with people like that.
I used to think.
Til I realized I’m one of ’em.
There’s that hypocrite thing again.
But God loves it when we ask for understanding. He loves it when we challenge life and so I’ve been praying and searching for answers as to why we have continually been bounced around on this road full of potholes.
Is it “sowing and reaping”?
Is it sin?
Is it spiritual opposition trying to distract me from finishing my book? (seriously, one of these days I’ll finish it – I’m in the final stages. I think.)
Is it lack of sensitivity to God’s direction?
I’ve been praying along the lines of this:
Help, I really want to get off this road before I toss my cookies.
So far I’ve got nada.
But I know God has more for us than this.
Why can’t we access all that God has for us?
I know I’m not the only one struggling with this.
I look around and I realize we’ve pulled over to the side of the road. I look up at the rest stop sign.
Welcome to Disappointment, You’ve come so far – Feel free to stay awhile.
But there’s nothing here.
Just a big mud pit.
Not even a port-a-potty for crying out loud
(or a “Honey-Pot” if you live in Idaho – by the way, that is so weird. Who calls it a “Honey-Pot”?).
It’s so tempting to stagnant here. You know sit in the mud of disappointment and slosh around with my questions and hurts. Not really getting healed or moving forward. Just playing in the mud of it all.
But some part of me whispers:
Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.
Galatians 6: 7-10 (The Message)
Sometimes, it’s hard to keep going when you don’t have the answers. To make a choice to stand up out of the mud of disappointment and to keep going.
I think they call this trusting God.
So I get out of the mud, clean it of the best I can, and decide to keep going.
To keep writing my book, to keep following where Jesus leads, to live each day to the fullest, even if I don’t understand.
I know the understanding will come, maybe tomorrow, maybe 10 years from now, maybe after I clean the mud out of my ears. . . for now I just need to keep going.
And you do too.
There’s good stuff up ahead as long as we don’t quit.