The Vampire of Obligation

Out of office memo: Out slaying vampires this morning. Reposting earlier blog.

I’ve been a neglectful blogger. . .

I try to post once a week, you know post something meaningful, hopefully eye-opening, encouraging but at the very least if I can’t post anything brilliant, I still try to post.

Except that lately it has been impossible to find time.

Something I used to make a priority got pushed to the back burner because, well a host of reasons.  All of them important. . . to someone else, which left me feeling obligated to oblige and pitch in.

And that’s the crappy thing about obligation, it sucks the life out of you like some vampire gone rouge in your schedule and life and relationships.

I’ve woken up the last couple of mornings feeling tired, exhausted actually. . . and not in a my-life-is-so-full-of-awesomeness-I’m-tired-because-of-my-amazing-life kind of way.

And now I’m realizing that the things I’m supposed to do are the things I love and the things I feel obligated to do have drained me of my life in the areas I enjoy.  Things like blogging, working on my book, hanging out with my kids and hubby, having jam sessions on my piano with God.

Instead I’ve been waking up with a whole lotta “I need to. . .”, “I should. . .”, “and I completely forgot to. . .”.

I think I have bite marks in my neck.

And I’m pretty sure there’s a vampire in my life right now.

Stupid obligation.

Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.

2 Corinthians 9:6-7 (The Message)

I don’t delight in giving of my time lately.  In fact, I feel the pressure of “I should do that” when someone asks for something.  There is no joy in it right now.  Because the truth is, I’m tired.

I am one tired mama. 

And I guess I didn’t really realize how tired until I just typed those last words.

But I love that this verse from 2 Corinthians is in the Bible.  Its like a note to me from God saying, “Hey – it’s awesome to give.  Don’t stop giving – people need what you have, but don’t do it if it doesn’t come from a place of love and life.  It’s not worth it to you or to the other person.”

I cannot tell you what that does for my heart.

It reminds me that I am human.

And that being human is a pretty amazing thing.

And that God likes, actually likes, that I am human.

And he gives me permission to say “no”.

He reminds me that I am not a machine.  Something to just pop out results when you push the right buttons.

Sometimes I forget that.

And I stick out my neck for that vampire of obligation to have easy access.

But today, I’ve found a couple of wooden stakes.  Ones that say things like,”No”, ‘Thanks, but I need to pass”, and “I think someone else needs to fill those shoes”.

I think I’m ready to slay some vampires.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s